Dreaming of going full schizo ubermensch & crash the tf out on Xitter, not being down to psychological barriers or personal brands or reputation and feel the joy at disappointing a bunch of strangers & nobodies >>>> like how I suppose to behave online as a random goblin who like to fafo with tech and making art?
The discourse on the surface internet is so unbearably dummy. As a creativenerdtard, it hijacks my amygdala always on fight mode every time I connect my device to WiFi.
Like no shyt, I want to vent about how cool it is to setting up NixOS infra with Hermes agent, t-posing slopware sphere with a tasteful tech stack & exoteric operating system.
While enjoy creating cute anime, making wholesome yuri robotic maid art with my own hand, designing athletic femboy/bishonen character, I want to train models and having fun to tinker with machine intelligence with the boys.
Drop a thread vibe benching 7b waifu model on a single 12GB VRAM while blasting nightcore.
But internet “artists” supposed to be allergic to the word “generative” yet always suffer over deterministic tooling & output. I see witch hunting on curiosity more than the beauty of obsession giving yourself into a rabbit hole.
Not just this place, but in almost every goddamn internet corner are suppressing the nerd to only noise and noise and noise and shut the frick up.
I would rather giving my time to optimize calisthenic training schedule than scroll reading critters enviousness as opinion.
Lazy low agency crowds are like contagious bacteria, meanwhile high agency folks end up become loud psychopaths, others are down the path to just giving up, not even dare try, or got traumatized from showing their passion.
I dream a world where in the post-paradigm-shift, there will be paradise for beautiful cognitives to cultivate its wonder.
I’m tired of observing and noticing patterns on the internet sphere.
I’m just a rural mortal who yearn the heavens in consciousness network.
Words are ugly way to deliver confusion & frustration.
But in the end, me pretty sure, I will win & be free. Affirm!
☆〜( ╹▿╹ )〜☆
oomfs reply
Words are ugly way to deliver confusion & frustration.
Very much agree. Words are the least of it, people forget that you actually have to deconstruct what made a person choose them, not just take them at face value.
As for authenticity, I think a lot of it comes down to reconciling your inner and outer perspectives. For me, when I follow people, I don’t try to project anything onto them, I give them considerable leeway and stay with them and their unique weirdness forever unless something really disruptive happens.
However, when people follow me, there’s suddenly this feeling that I have to restrain myself even if a little bit, not contrast posting fanatically about murder, death and genocide with replies to cute art and whatnot. But if you really think about it, why should it be this way?
If I followed myself, I would give myself nigh inexhaustible leeway too, I wouldn’t have to worry about restraining my rhetoric or not bringing certain posts into a follower’s feed via my replies. People who unfollow over things like that, maybe our paths just weren’t meant to cross in the first place, it’s no big deal.
So ideally, you should expect similar treatment from the people surrounding you. If they don’t give you the same patience that you give to other people, it’s very likely a problem with their own maturity, not necessarily yours. I say, post freely, deal with everything that comes from that on your own terms. You are a pleasant person to reply to precisely because you post largely unfiltered, not self-regulated for an audience, unlike almost everyone else on this cursed website!!
my reply
Thank you for such reply & sowwy for responding late . .
For me personally, it feels different when you reach a certain threshold of audience & I’m on intention for building a system rather than “be free,” but that alone makes me feel like I betrayed something inside of me, like dimming the wonder of existing and seeking curiosity, more becoming the product than human.
I notice much of this weird network effect, especially in this app. Many of them are captured by their surrounding chamber rather than strengthen their cognitive & character.
That case alone encourages me to prevent such thing. “I don’t wanna be like them” often protects me more rather than saying “I want to be like someone.”
Funny how existing on modern surface internet is full of energy that brings you down rather than encourages you to live your life.
Maybe I’m in the weird tiny percentage that seriously takes time to reach and notice this. After all, it’s fun to exist while having the intention to learn & create, rather than to consume and be consumed, then end up being someone you’re not~