I love being here with bunch cute creature inside my computer. It brings me joy! Even though I have huge impostor syndrome, it inspires me to be better and have dreams that one day I can be as cool as you.
But to be brutally honest, two months here have made my addiction alarm vibrating. One month ago my childhood fren passed away. While I’m using this app to numb a bit, yesterday I saw an X post about the funeral back, it made me glitched and snap back. Reflecting on life, I realize I have work that haven’t finished yet. Now I need to tackle this seriously, like very much serious.
I vowed to myself earlier this year that the internet should make me a better self, help me learn to uplift myself and those around me genuinely. I know in the process there will be big errors. I use social media intended for therapy to ‘break’ from my old views, facing my fears and ptsd.
did words affect me? yes. did numbers affect me? yes. did attention affect me? yes. did notifications affect me? yes. did loneliness crush me? yes. did all these affect you too? yes.
After all, we’re only human with fleshy brain, unless you’re some robot agent. I have to learn to behave better while being affected by these modern nonsense. Yes, it’s difficult and hard.
Before this, I restricted myself from networks for a year. When me hang out with my irl, they say I’m living in a different era, like a buddhist monk or Tarzan or something.
Now I perceive that is just a delayed entropy period in my life. I know there will come a day when I must return to the internet trenches. Here I am, facing it, tear up a bit when I realize social media can be delightful rather than destructive.
“Allow yourself to shine without the desire to be seen.”
No regrets.
I love writing a diary, it’s deeply selfish for myself, not for you or the audience.
Lastly, if you’re feel addicted to any social media app, I beg you to uninstall the silly app from your phone and only use it on your desktop/laptop. Once you’re done, don’t scroll, but log-out, make it a habit, pwease…